On The Road...

[MeanderingBeing]

Observations? Notes? Alright, how's this for ya:

After 12 hours in a car with 3 dogs, a cat, an infant, and 2 very grouchy individuals who have a knack for making stupid shit into huge problems, and loooooove to make things more complicated than necessary, I'm pretty much on the verge of homicidal rampage. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that I'm on the road yet again, an act of cleansing much like the use of ganjika, you all would probably be seeing a post filled with much more anger...

Soooo, anyways, after listening to much bickering (trust me, leave yer family home for yer roadtrips if you can...) over which hotel we should crash in, we finally land in a Ramada Inn outside of denver... You know the first thing I noticed? A crew of black dudes sitting around smoking cigarettes. Now I'm not racist, and I actually have a personal problem with racists and skinheads, which is part of the reason I left Oklahoma, but the shady transactions involving baggies of coke and the prostitutes they are pimping in the hotel REALLY doesn't help their case. But nonetheless, I have no problems with these dudes... I am after all, a druggie myself. Granted... Different drugs... But they are illegal still. But after all this, my uncle has to slip some bullshit racist comment out, as usual... Fucker preaches about how he hates racists, the turns around and says shit like he did...

While flying through Kansas, listening to Robert Johnson, I had spent my time reading about the psychology of the ego, and read Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse... Between what I had read, and my current situation where I lay in a shady hotel wishing that I had not pawned off my rifle in Pennsylvania because someone's lack of self control, I am learning alot about the ego... For one, I find that it is mankinds most beautiful gift, and most dreadful affliction.

Alright, will post more, but for the moment, i'm going to run off for a smoke... Plus I am typing on my phone here...

[MeanderingBeing]

soooo... As i was saying... Ego...

A lot of spiritual leaders throughout the years keep saying tha the ego is pretty much the bad in the human spirit, and while I agree with them 100 percent, I also disagree. I find that the ego is what makes people so unique, so capable of loving with such passion, and so powerful in mind... But on on the same coin, the ego is capable of so much more evil than good. The ego is what identifies with people and causes and other outside sources. The ego is what causes things like racism, nationalism, fundamentalism, and other things many of us find so appalling. But without the ego, there surely wouldn't be artists, musicians, and all of the other things that keep us going in this mad world... As i said, beauty and curse...

I once read an article about how removal of the ego is absolutely necessary for spiritual growth. i disagree... Don't get me wrong, i'm all for conscious revolution and spiritual growth.. But... Well i'll just use an example...

the current dali yama, the modern reincarnation of buddha, or sidartha Quatanama as historians know him, has an ego. And his ego identifies with the people amd land of tibet... So... The world's most spiritiually evolved individual... Has an ego? You will never meet a person so full of love and joy. He sweats happiness... Yet the same curse that afflicts us is afflicting him...

this is partially why i think the ego is necessary for human growth and evolution... I think we shouldn't be spending time trying to kill it... I think we should instead try to embrace and tame our egos... And trust me, i feel that this is the way to go... I feel it in my gut.

on a completely different note, i would like to say how bloody happy i am to be out of oklahoma's oppresive humidity. I can actually stand or sit outside now without my balls sticking uncomfortably to my leg...

[MeanderingBeing]

sorry about the triple post but... Ah hell, you try typing all this on a phone with tiiiiiiiiny little buttons...

So i completely lost my train of thought here, but there a few things i would like say before i rest for more roadtripping...

1: if you really do love someone, you'll accept them for who they are. No bullshit, no snide comments, none of it. If someone you know spends their time making yu feel inferior, trying to change you, or are just simply douchebags because they can't accept yer differences... They are not your freind. In my current life, i am learning that the only family are the people who love you for you. Blood doesnt mean shit. In the end, the only thing that does is love...

2: learn to live without posessions. i've been homeless plenty of times, and you know what? It taught me lessonsthat cannot be learned otherwise... The beauty of nature, the mundane, and most of all: selflessness. It is tough, yes... But the benifits far outweigh the cost.

3: I am getting sleepy...

4: there is no shame in feeling emotion. Apathy, to me, is a sin, not a virtue. Don't let yer pride and ego trick you into thinking you are weak because you cried or showed emotion... Just the opposite is true in reality. You are more of a man if you aren't afraid of how others percieve your emotions.

5: last but not least: Be You. Be Fearless. Stop caring what other people have to say. Stop trying to fit in. A truly selfless person doesn't give fuck about society or opinions, they just be bold and do the right thing no matter what. Move on. Be more. Leave the drama behind, and carve your own path.

and with that, i leave...

ps: plz forgive the typos... I am typing witha bloody phone after all...

[Nightwatch]

MeanderingBeing

Great! Very colorfully written, insightful, easy-flowing/pleasure-to-read. You certainly have had a depth of experience in few short years of a life time; expectaions, disillusions, fun and sorrow... they are the brick and mortar of what makes one a writer. You are on the road, and you seem you're on a good track. Hope so. Keep writing.


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PS: double, triple posts OK, as long as one does not repeat the same thing he posted in the previous post, lol; I haven't seen it happen here in this forum anyway. Sometimes it may be even necessary to do so; like in y post now. As we are considering, opening up a new section, possibly under this Round Table, for various stories, real or fictional, for those that do not fit STALKER game stories. And we may move your observations/stories to this new section, alongside with the non-STALKER stories published by Jamie and Balious as well.

[rockingmtranch]

Thank you Michael. (re: for the elaboration on copyright issues on 100 rads Bar topic) And I like reading your musings Meandering

[MeanderingBeing]

thank you both for the compliments...

Though musings is a bit of an over statement... When i write, its more like taking psycholical poo, with some flavor sprinkled on top...

[MeanderingBeing]

btw... Next trip: going back home in the UK

[MeanderingBeing]

here's a note for you guys...

it should be a fucking law that gas stations have better toilet paper... At least 2 ply... And at least soft enough that wiping doesn't make me bleed.... Cheap fuckers....

[jamie1992]

btw... Next trip: going back home in the UK

And at this point my friend, we shall smoke a few L's and have a few drinks and contemplate upon the shitness of life.

[MeanderingBeing]

Jamie, the only thing shitty in life is gas station toilet paper (no pun intended) and the fact that because I move so much, I can't have a girlfriend for more than a couple months... Goddamn I would kill for a girl willing to go with me... Anyways, everything else in ife is just a challenge to overcome... That's how I look at it anyways.

Another note: I was definitely impressed by Rock Springs and Boulder Colorado... Very beautiful country in the foothills of the rockies, colourful people, lots to do, and more biker and tat shops in single city block than I have seen my entire life. I may have found a future home... Whenever I finally decide to call someplace home, that is.

Now I am up in polution central: Salt Lake City, Utah... Cool place, with a huge variety of peoples and cultures. BUT, I cannot stand the sight of these massive refineries every couple blocks. A half hour hike, and I'm in the quiet Uwenda (or however the hell you spell it) Mountains, but its utterly pointless because all I smell is refined petrol.

But the mountains here are the saving grace. All within a couple hours drive, I could be in the rockies, the wasatch front, uwenda, moab, zion, arches, or red rock desert. If I ever needed to get away from this mad world, I can literally pick any direction to hike or drive in, and disappear within a couple hours.

Another upside to this place is school and the demographic... I may be going to school here for a quarter or two, to finish up my degree in graphic design, or I may simply start going for business or music (still can't decide on that front...), or do both. Once thats finished, this area is a great demographic for opening a gun shop. You know what they say: them mormons love their guns!

But alas, I do not think I'll be opening a gun shop here... I just got here and I already know that this isn't the place for me. This place just has a bad vibe. Actually, I like downtown's energy, but everywhere else here is just... Caged... Sorry, only word that describes the energy here. Everything here just seems... Controlled, sterile, and is like a caged animal...

It seems that I can find work at the air force base here, so i can work with decent pay and great benifits while I am here. Decent enough to work on my tattoos, and finally get my dream bike ... And save up for my next bout of traveling...

So yes, I will be hitting the UK by the end of october soonest, and probably next summer at the latest... After that... Hell,who knows where the wind will take me after that.

[jamie1992]

Anyway, I'mma be waiting for you to hit the UK, we can have a laugh, maybe even find you some female company ey? ey? I kid.....kinda. But yeah man, its awesome you are having a good time, and also damn happy you are keeping in touch so to speak.

Can't wait to read more, keep it coming but for now, take care man, peace.

[MeanderingBeing]

In response to jamies post in the 100 rads bar that may or may not get moved into this thread...

Man, I tell you what. I really don't feel the need to go hunting poon. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I figure I will find someone who loves me just as much as I love them and is willing to travel with somewhere along my travels... And when i find that wonderful woman... It will be a colorful week of crazy sex and romantic outtings Then after that, have romantic outings all over the damn planet

hrm... After I get off the toilet here and get some food in my belly, I might write a bit on that subject...

On that note...
YES, DECENT TOILET PAPER! Whooooooooooooooo!

EDIT: its strange to be sitting on the toilet and hear two of the dogs shagging in the next room over... Come out, and sure enough, Loki ad Sam are adhered to each other and will probably be stuck like that for a good couple hours... Damn dogs....

[MeanderingBeing]

sitting in a greyhound somewhere between kansas city and salina... Bound for chicago, then many other places... I have a beautiful young woman to my right who is nice as hell... My back hurts, i stink, and i've been on q goddamn bus for 2 days... But i am fucking happy! Damned excited too! Plus, you meet all sorts on greyhounds... I find there are only two generalizations to make: complete scumbags, or awesome, kind, humble people with an amazing array of talents... Met a dude playing mandolin! How often do you see that?

tis much fun on a greyhound... Despite the 3 hour delay in denver >>

[DARK TEMPLAR]

Traveling does have it's good sides. I for one would quite enjoy simply picking a direction and heading out, unfortunatly in the world we live in today it is not a easy thing to do

[MeanderingBeing]

hrm, yes, travel does indeed have its benifits. i can't believe I haven't really been to StalkerMod since I've arrived in Pennsylvania. But to be honest, that has to do with work more than anything.

I've been working temp jobs since I got here, things like cutting window frames, moving drywall, and such. I finally landed myself a more permanent job yesterday, working in food service (yet again), but even that is temporary. I have a job arranged for after christmas as a roadie with a local label here. Things are definitely looking up.

I'm happy that I moved. I was sick of being around drugs all the time, and sick of being treated like a piece of shit. My family in Utah wasn't very supportive of me going to school for business so I can open a gun shop, and the relationship between me and my uncle turned sour. I learned the lesson of trust the hard way, and quite frankly, it felt like the last dagger in the spine I could take. Then again, I suppose I shouldn't have trusted an individual who only held resentment for me, and dealt cocaine and POUNDS of marijuana out of the same house as his 1 year old child. It's my fault for putting trust in that sort of person, I suppose, even if he was family.

But like I said, things are looking up. I just wish getting my personal belongings, computer included, back from said individual. I miss my books, and I miss talking to my friends on skype, which is practically the only way to talk to people any more because everyone I know has either gone, or already was overseas, and I reeeeeally don't feel like paying the insane charges my phone carrier has for international calls.

More to the point Dark Templar made, shipping off is pretty easy. My suggestion: pawn or selll off everything you don't need or want, pack as much crap as you can into as few bags/boxes as possible, and pick somewhere to go. If I had a car in the first place, all of my stuff could have easily fit into the trunk. But as it stands, I've never driven a vehicle in my life and don't know how to drive. So that leaves me with trains, buses, and planes...

Trains are fun to travel in, they're quiet, fast, and pretty damn affordable. My only problem with them is that I get a really bad case of phantom motion for a good while after I step off. That is not a good thing when you're toting around two 50 lbs bags with all your worldly possessions.

Buses are hit and miss. I really wish there were more train lines around, because there can be some reeeeeeally shady people on a bus. It's always something or someone on a bus, and greyhound is renowned for the scary adventure they provide. I had the misfortune in Philly of having a fat drunk black dude plant himself next to me, offer me rum, then try to start a fight when I declined. When he couldn't get me to fight him, he proceed to harass a romanian couple in front of us, and tried to start a fight there. Sadly, for him anyways, the hubby got up and stood a mere inch from the drunk fucker's face and started yelling at the drunkard. Obviously a fight proceeded, and I can't exactly say it was fair. The drunkard not only ended up with a thoroughly kicked ass, but got his ass booted off the bus as well... I'd hate to see what happened to drunk asshole stranded in the middle of new york XD

Planes used to be my favorite method of travel, but since all of these 'terror' scares involving printer toner cartridges, underwear bombs, and shoe bombs, security has turned into more of a danger in of itself. With all the metal detectors, chemical sniffers, and body scanner thingy-majigs that i've seen proliferating in the past year, the radiological hazard (recent studies show that the body scanners are equivelant to a radiation bath, but i dunno how biased or true this information is. I'd rather be safe than sorry though) is scary enough. It even seems that the pat-down horror stories are in of itself frightening. I can't even take my key chain on a plane now, which has three spent brass on it, and a cigar hole punch. No, I'd rather not be irraddiated, molested, and harassed by airport security... Take that as you will.

So there you go, a proper update if you will. After christmas, it seems I'll be traveling more than ever before, so I'll try to keep up with stalkermod when that time comes. Cheers all! I have to get ready for work now...

[rockingmtranch]

Wow. I'm a little envious. You're doing so much stuff. Living life. Facing it head on. Rock on dude!

[DARK TEMPLAR]

Whatever life throws, one shal endure. One shal crawl through a river of shit and come out clean on the other side.

[DARK TEMPLAR]

http://www.daypoems.net/poems/1957.html I found that rather nice

[MeanderingBeing]

Speaks many truths... but walt whitman's style issss.... a liiiitle long winded XD